Deadlines

Deadlines. Deadlines. Deadlines. Lately that is all I can think of. Whether it be a regular school assignment or college application my life is filled with deadlines. All I heard from past seniors was how great senior year would be. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a great senior year so far, but there are so many things to deal with, too. College is on my mind all the time. It's either the only thing I'm thinking of or it is there in the back of my head. I feel as though anything I have to do has to do with college. Almost all my thoughts bring me back to that one thought,  college. 

Whenever I am trying to relax, all I can think of is: maybe you should fill out some college applications, maybe you should get ahead on homework, or you'll never get into any university by sitting here doing nothing! Even when I am just practicing a sport I think that it may not get me anywhere. Sometimes I feel as though I'm wasting my time. There is so much to deal with. Like I said there are colleges applications. Furthermore if you're involved in a sport you have to deal with that too. On top of that you still have school work to do. Oh, and let's say you're involved in clubs too, then there are all those events you may have to participate in. Now what if you add a job to all that? You see there is so much that we seniors have to deal with. It's not easy. However I realize that we can't be afraid to take a break sometimes. 

Yes we do indeed have all the deadlines to deal with, but sometimes it's good to take a break and just enjoy the ride because it will all be over before we know it.

The Water

This is Marquis Ward, and this quote is really interesting to me.  I picked this quote ti write about, because I really like the quotes about the water.  The water is just so soothing, and smooth to talk about. When a person is in pain you should always just relax, because you never know what a person may do when they are upset.  That's why the quote said that when pain comes your way just float, because floating you have to remain calmed and relaxed.

Dancing has a lot of motions in the body, just like the waves in the water.  The waves in the water are so beautiful, they are so peaceful and calm.  All you have to is find the right person to dance with, then you are as smooth as water.  All you have to do is let your life flow like water, and you should be just fine.

Human or Inhuman

What makes a person human or inhuman…?

Emotional and unemotional?

Recently I have been watching two TV series, one is Scorpion and another is Playful Kiss. Scorpion is a series that follows highly intelligent prodigies and geniuses that work with homeland to solve impossible situations. Another is a drama called Playful Kiss, this show is about a below basic female student that falls in love with a genius with the IQ of 200, the female goes through many trials to get the genius boy to fall in love with her. But in both cases the highly intelligent people are looked at as inhuman, robotic and unemotional. Mostly these characters are really just looked at as unemotional, but the other parts (inhuman and robotic) are used to describe these characters. But why are they unemotional? Obviously they too have emotions they just don’t show it as other do or as often. Everyone is different so when watching these series and discussing them with someone that also up to date with them, I feel very different from them, they agree with a lot of others that “yes, they very inhuman”, but I just don’t see it. I just see a different way of expressing ones elves. Everyone has a different background and that is shown in both series and because of the background to each character they act the way they do and they don’t show the emotions on their faces but really through their words and actions. Does someone really have to be smiling all the time to be seen as happy? I just don’t understand why these characters are looked at the way are. But that is a question I’ll to know, does showing emotion on one’s face make them more human than someone that doesn’t? 

My Hike

Something I love to do is write poetry and I fell in love with this art last year during my own struggles. I remember my junior year English teacher, Mr. Bacani, had us write some poems. Like I said, during the time I was in a rough stage and getting this off my chest helped me grow. Now I have a lot more writings thanks to this day. My goal is to write and write and write and hopefully relate to my peers. I want to help people leave their lows and get them back up to their peaks. It makes me happy that I've already touched the hearts of some of my friends through my poems and now I just want to continue that. Here is my very first poem. : 

My Hike

 Everyday I woke up so ungrateful about my life

Little did I know one day I’d be stabbed by a knife.

I never used to believe in pain

But that all changed on a rainy day.

My mom found out I kissed a girl

Who I thought was my world.

I adored everything about her

And my love for her grew bigger.

I tried convincing my family that she was the one

But that’s when Hell begun.

“You want to be known as a Goddamn queer?!

Or a faggot that walks in the streets?!”

They just made me want to disappear

And hide under my sheets.

I was addicted to this drug

That we all call “LOVE.”

But why did I love this person so much?

Maybe it was because I finally felt noticed.

Sadly, she was the one to put me at my lowest.

So I have my family hating me,

The love of my life cheating on me,

And my grandpa leaving me.

What the hell is going on?

I just want to be gone!

My grandpa is my best friend

I thought he’d stay till the end.

My girl wants me back so I give her another chance

I close my eyes for one second and she’s already in someone else’s pants.

I try to let people in

But they just shoot me down and win.

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

Just slam my head against a damn door!

I cry every night and cut the pain away

Hoping God will take me from this day.

If you know me, you know I have a big heart

Now you all know how I fell apart.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety

All this stupid pain led to a laparoscopy.

I’ve had this pain in my stomach for three years now

When they told me I needed surgery I said “Wow”

Turned out they found nothing

Not even a string.

I should’ve been happy

But I was so angry.

Life’s going on and I’m so confused

Every person I loved made me feel used.

Another guy comes through and maybe he’ll be the one.

But he said, “Nah sorry hun.”

I keep getting hurt and I don’t know why.

Then I realize life is a climb.

I went on a hike and struggled each step.

I trip, fall, and lose my breath.

Then it got a little bit easier

And my finish line became clearer.

Just kidding a rock gets in the way

Oh how I wished I’d rather be walking on Broadway.

This is like my life you know?

Not all bad, maybe a little glow.

Today I can say I’ve learned a lot about myself and others as well

And I came to a conclusion that my life isn’t all Hell.

I face challenges everyday

But now deal with them in a healthier way.

My journey is like a hike

And I may climb with only my feet or even a bike.

But when I get there I’ll sit

And say I’ve finally made it.

"This is [Great]"

When I had read the commencement speech, This Is Water", I was blown away to hear a very similar view on society from the author, David Foster Wallace. The bulk of our society does not think of the group that they are one with, they only seem to think of themselves at an individual level. I have seen people who think this way, whether purposely or absentmindedly, and forget the rest of the world, even though they know that they are not apart from said group, subconsciously, they know are a part of this conglomerate of people that live very differently than them, yet they live to accomplish the same goals, to succeed. This oneness will always let us drift from one another, because not one person can be, "the center of the world".

The thought of someone else's position, is bizarre to some until they come to empathize with those who they had thought horribly of. A person can live within their own little worlds, their small, insignificant minds, where the thought of anybody is absent until it is brought in through the doors of their mind; whether it has happened or will happen is completely dependent on the observers choice of whether to acknowledge it or not, more times than not, the observer will. When an observer does not, they are know as selfish, which is when a person is concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. Yet, there are those who take it a step further then this however.

Sadly, I've encountered people, online and in the physical world, who aren't the run of the mill, normal, selfish, I've spent years, if not, the majority of my life around narcissists. These types of people have been extremely abhorred, tempting my family with torturous acts of sadism, just to see my father or mother fail, to view me looking at my father break down, and my mother stressed to the point where see has had to go the hospital a numerous amount of times. These terrible people have been family, "friends", and acquaintances alike; I could never exact justice upon these people, for they had not broken some law or stalked my immediate family, they just found ways to always tempt them with the means of having it done upon retaliation. If my mother or father would respond with a threat of calling the authorities, they would immediately try their damnedest to abuse my family behind a screen, a keyboard, and a mouse.

Terrible people exist within in this world; they will do anything to gain what they want, regardless the position of the other person. There is a point to where you should acknowledge somebody else's position and when you should not acknowledge someone else's position. It's your choice to set where that fine line should be.

Perspective

After this past weekend my heart and outlook on life has changed. My friends and I decided to take a trip to Laguna beach. Little did we know what the day had in store for us. We all agreed that it would be fun to cliff jump into the ocean. So, we found a private beach that had a cliff that numerous people jumped off of. 

My wonderful friend Malik jumped off the cliff first and swam to shore. My other friend Courtney and I established that we wanted to jump off together, while my other friend Ashley recorded us from the shore. So we grabbed each other's hand and squeezed tightly as we ran off the cliff together and leaped into midair. The way down seemed so long and we screamed from the top of our lungs. Our bodies sharply hit the water. As we both came up for air we screamed, "that was so much fun!" and couldn't stop laughing. 

We were advised to swim sideways first and then eventually straight towards shore to avoid getting pulled back in. Unfortunately, that advice did not help because the water began to get stronger. Before we knew it, the waves were pulling us into an opposite direction from where we should have been going. Our friend Nathan was still on top of the cliff waiting to jump and we called out for help because the waves were too powerful for us to swim against. He jumped in after us and Malik came back into the water as well. They were no longer just strong waves, it was a current.

At this point, I have been captured and taken underwater too many times. Every time I came up for air, I would be hit with the monster known as the sea and involuntarily swallow gulps of salt water. My chest felt tight and heavy as I tried to stay afloat. I screamed, "Malik! I can't breathe! I'm tired!" and he tried to pull me back to shore. However, this did not work out whatsoever as the waves continued to haul us another direction. I felt as though I could not swim anymore. 

Eventually, the four of us were able to swim to some rocks below the cliff. I simply needed to cling onto something that could hold my weight as I caught my breath. Before I knew it, I heard Nathan scream, "Watch out! There's a wave!" and that was the last thing I heard before I was engulfed by the ocean and my body was thrown against the cliff. 

I felt myself tumbling under water and my body be flung and scraped against rough walls. In a matter of seconds I covered my head and thought to myself, "If I hit my head, I'm done." 

At last my body floated to air and I could hardly believe I was even in one piece. Regardless, I noticed that I was separated from my friends. My body had been shifted to the middle of the ocean, alone. At this point it was even more difficult to breathe due to all the water in my chest and I was so far from shore, and so beyond tired. I was sure those were my last moments on Earth. I thought, "there's no way of surviving this." There were no lifeguards and I felt my body giving up on me. I heard Courtney scream, "Annalise, I love you" because she also thought those were her last moments. 

As exhausted and frightened as I was, I wasn't ready to give up. I began screaming for help and I could hear my other friends crying for help as well, along with "Call 911!" 

A very kind gentleman climbed to the top of the cliff and threw me a boogie board to float on. It was an extremely strenuous swim over to it due to how weak I felt. Nonetheless, I finally reached it and my body was relieved. A dolphin inflatable was also thrown to Courtney, who was with the boys.

Shortly after, two lifeguards came running into the ocean and pulled us out. I found out later that Ashley, my friend recording us jumping off the cliff, was on shore running around trying to get help and locate lifeguards. It was a good thing she didn't jump with us, because ultimately her crying for help and prayers saved us.

Once on shore, I could barely stand up by myself due to how frail I was. My chest clenched and I continuously heaved. As I sat down my entire body was shaking and tears were streaming down my face. I began throwing up saltwater all over the beach sand. Every time I tried to grasp a water bottle I felt a sharp pain in my hands due to splinters stuck underneath my skin. My entire leg was bleeding from cuts and I am still so sore and in pain from this incident.

In the end, I thanked God for saving mine and my friend's lives. I spent my Sunday at church praising and expressing gratitude to God for watching over me. The more I thought about it, I was able to relate this experience to This Is Water by David Foster Wallace. For example, I would be the religious person in his speech believing in God and I believe that God helped me survive by sending over a lifeguard. On the contrary, any non-believer, let's take my boyfriend as an example, would probably believe I made it out alive simply because we were crying for help and eventually help came. I find it especially interesting how there can be so many various perspectives on a central idea. 

Nonetheless, I am very grateful to simply be alive and able to type this blog post in the first place. 

Twenty One Pilots

There's this band that I fell in love with. Many people are not into their music and that's completely fine with me because a lot of people don't know great things when they see or hear them. I recently went to their concert at the Greek Theater and it was probably the best experience of my life. 




Trying to get tickets was so difficult until finally my boyfriend was able to get my best friend Jazmin and I tickets. We couldn't have been happier, especially since we got these tickets the day before the actual concert and we were so pumped. 




Throughout the whole day of the concert it was all I could think about playing their songs over and over on my phone or even just in my head. It didn't hit me that I was actually going to see them until I was sitting through the opening act just patiently waiting, listening to them. 




Then they came on and every person in that theater stood up and probably yelled at the top of their lungs. Seeing them perform made me realize how weird and just plain out crazy those two guys are but I guess that just makes me love them even more. Not one moment did I sit down through the concert. We were standing, jumping, swaying, leaning, rocking, and at even one point I was on Jazmin's shoulders. Their singing was amazing and sounded so smoothly as if we were hearing their album off the disc. Tyler, the lead singer, even ended up going on top of the sound booth and singing a song up there which was insane of him but it was ultimately great. 




After this concert watching all the videos just make me really sad and make me wish I could go back. Now when I listen to them on my phone or on the radio I could just say "wow i saw them live". It was definitely the best day I've had in a long time.