The Year of Redemption

After Finishing off a rather lack-luster season last year,Boys varsity basketball has revamped and are prepared to regain the suburban league title. In addition to returners Jr Harrison,Brian Givens Darius Turpin, Ruben Hill,Myles Purnell,Kobe Hedspeth, and Kyle Small, they picked up a handful of talented transfers. Transferring from Cerritos High school, 6 foot 5 senior Daniel Kim adds length to the roster and can contribute in many different ways. Coming over from Redondo Union, sophomore guard Caleb Christopher(younger brother of former NBA player Patrick Christopher), is very talented with great potential. Hailing from Inglewood High school, junior guard Bryman Muhammad is hoping to come in and contribute to what can become a very great team. With the amount of skill and depth the team possesses this year, they plan to regain the suburban league title and make a deep run in CIF. It's guaranteed that you won't wanna miss a single game. So be sure to COME OUT AND SUPPORT!!!!! 

Memento Mori

My finalized commencement speech. Feedback is welcome.

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Memento Mori

Congratulations are in order for such a night, so, congrats seniors. But you’ve already heard that ten times tonight, so I’ll save your ears from another spiel of praise and pride.

Most of you barely know who I am, which is fine, I am not really the kind of person to care much about that. I am, however, the kind of person that is totally okay with making people feel very uncomfortable, so buckle up. This might not be totally enjoyable.

We leave this school and march onwards towards our death, everyday we wake up and are one day closer to the day that we die. That’s not a happy thought. No, it’s a solemn and lugubrious statement, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Save for some “Elixir of Immortality” being developed in the next seventy to eighty years, we are all going to die.

Many of you out there believe in a life after death, be it heaven and hell, or reincarnation, or any of the many beliefs people have regarding death. Others of you believe that there is no afterlife. I personally agree with the latter, but everyday I lean more and more towards the idea that, after death, we are all tormented by an eternity in Mr. Nguyen’s classroom. The belief that there is no afterlife can be disheartening. If there’s nothing after death, why bother living? I completely reject this premise. I find that a lack of belief in life after death can be a little freeing. There was an eternal nothingness before you and there will be an eternal nothingness after you. All you have is a meager eighty plus year existence, so you need to milk it for all it’s worth.

I would like others to think in this vaguely nihilistic way, no matter their religious beliefs or affiliations.  Regardless of what you think follows death, live the life you’re living, don’t worry about what might come next.

Our planet this on a recursive cycle of life and death, of growth and decomposition. A young rabbit is born. It eats and it grows and it dies, fertilizing some seedlings that sprout and go on to provide nourishment for some other young rabbit that will, at some point, also die. Life and death are deeply intertwined and yet their relationship is simple. Neither are gods worthy of worship or devotion, nor are they sentient forces that can be bargained with. Death follows life, a simple sequence of events. Anything that lives will one day die, but neither causes the other. The rabbit didn’t die because it was alive, it died because death is a fact of the universe, an unbreakable law carved in stone. Nothing to stop it, the most anyone can do is delay the inevitable.

Life, in all of it’s unending, bountiful splendor, can be crap. Sometimes it’s your fault, sometimes it’s someone else’s fault, and sometimes you just your luck just isn’t that great. Life is full of mistakes, equal parts your own mistakes and other’s mistakes. You’re all going to make mistakes in your life, you’ve all already made mistakes. Maybe you didn’t take the AP classes you wanted to. Maybe you forgot to study for a test and failed the class as a result. Or perhaps you spent a year in a relationship with someone that turned out to be horribly toxic to your life. Sometimes, life will seem like it’s all just one big ball of mistakes. And you know what? That’s completely correct.

Now, this thanatopsis isn’t supposed to make you depressed. It isn’t supposed to make you fear death, nor is it supposed to influence your theological views. No, it’s supposed to get you all to understand the preciousness of the life in each of you, how important it is, and how fleeting it is. You’ve such precious little time on this little blue rock, don’t squander it. Make the most of the days you’re given. Seize the day. Carpe diem. When life gives you lemons, grab life by the neck and squeeze until it gives you pizza and an apology. I urge you all to just live. To not worry about the crushing and inevitable finish line that is death. Don’t worry about how you’re living you’re life, just make sure that you are living. Too many people die inside long before their body even begins to fade. Don’t be one of these people, be aware of your life and all it encompasses. Your thoughts, actions, beliefs, desires, passions, envies, anything and everything. Just be aware of it. Cut out what hinders you and bolster what helps you. Forgive others for their mistakes, but don’t forget, learn from your own mistakes and never, ever be afraid to make more. Live your life as deeply and as imperfectly perfect as you possibly can, as you may only have one shot at it.

Am I Too Late?

Haven't we all waited until last minute to do something a few or a few times too many in the past? At most times, it is just the worst thing ever, especially if you literally have to stay up the whole night because of procrastination--be it an art project that you have yet to start, a lab report on an experiment that you didn't understand, a group assignment that is left in your hands, and etc. Most of us have been there. During that time, we start to think--or at least I do about how miserable we are and how we wish had started sooner. Before that happens, we usually think we have all the time in the world but we don’t. When I am procrastinating, everything else but the work I am supposed to be doing seems to entertain me like voluntarily doing chores, spinning around in my chair, or downloading and playing random games on my phone only to delete later. When I actually start doing work, I say to myself “Why didn’t I do this earlier! I’m going to be on point next time.” I know I am being a hypocrite every time I say this because I actually don’t learn from my mistakes and this becomes a repeated process. I remember reading something somewhere about the “Six Steps of Procrastination”. The first stage is false security. When we are given an assignment that is not due until much later, we tend to consider the deadline too far away to worry about. The second stage is laziness. We think about starting our task whatever it is, or nah. Everyone who procrastinates definitely falls victim to this. The third stage is making excuses. My main excuses are usually me being busy doing other productive things, however this doesn’t make the deadline disappear, sadly. The fourth stage is denial of rest. At this point, the assignment has barely been started. You start planning with the time you have left. Instead of rest, you need coffee. The fifth stage is crisis. With the little time you have left, you start working frantically. It’s not about how many days you have left; it’s about how many hours or maybe even minutes. Whether you finish the assignment or not, you know that the best effort was not put in this assignment. You make a promise that you will start earlier next time. The sixth and final step of procrastination is repetition. Even though you vowed to not do it again, it is inevitable that you will do so anyways just like I do. I also remember hearing a quote from Bill Gates that procrastination is a must-have skill. Successful people must be able to work under pressure.

I'm late...like always.

I love the idea of a blog, but the thought of everyone being able to read it actually kind of scares me. To be completely honest, I just got out of the shower and I suddenly remembered about the blog. So I am going to type whatever pops into my head at the moment. I don't know about everyone but the thought of graduating and going to college is a roller coaster of emotions. At times I am so excited and anxious to graduate. And then I start to panic. Living under great expectations is a lot of weight on my tiny shoulders. I don't want to complain but man, senior year is getting to me. As I am typing, I am watching greys anatomy. Man. Anyone who watches it knows what I am feeling right now. I am not a very good multitasker...so it feels like I am typing one sentence per episode. I honesty don't know what else to type about. And I went from my emotions of senior year to greys anatomy. Actually, senior year and greys anatomy do have something in common. Me crying with both. I am actually kind of sad now. I think I should turn greys anatomy off and put the walking dead instead. Daryl Dixon always brings up my mood!

Kiss (List Poem)

Jakie's kiss was as smooth as soap that it washed you away in that wakeful stream.

    Brian who had the clear ocean color eyes, kissed tenderly with a curve shape on his lips.

    Gabriel, it was true, it was a unique kiss so vibrant and true, that only a true love will do. His  kiss and the only one of all was a kiss, one you would fall for, it was undeniable love, a real profoundly kiss of all.

    Kisses somewhere else now. Wedding Kiss is what's worth it.

Hasn't Hit Me Yet

It really hasn't hit me yet. The "Oh my God we're seniors!" and the " Oh my God we're graduating!" Like I still feel the same as last year just with new teachers and different classes. I see so many seniors excited about graduating and finally leaving high school like it's gonna get any easier for them after. They are told that it is just the beginning and that it is tough after graduating from high school. But I don’t think they really acknowledge it. Like they hear it and they can imagine how tough it is but don't know exactly about it. Most actually listen and plan for it but some don't. There’s a lot of things ahead of people and a lot of  great opportunities. I just wish good luck to everyone when they graduate and to have a wonderful life.

Personal Superlatives

Working through these superlatives will give you topic ideas for your personal statements.

Ball is life

BLOG 1

    I am learning a new offense at the moment. It's the kind of offense where it looks unorganized and messy when you're watching it unfold on the court; however, it's extremely intricate and organized. There are multiple options that can come out of the set plays and each set plays just ends up back to the formation that we like to work out of. There's no official name for it, but we tend to call it "Drop". There's four people out on the perimeter of the court and the center in the paint. It's a dribble-drive-kick offense in which one drives down the lane of the court and kicks it out and repeat the process until we get a good shot at the bucket. It has been in effect for decades and has won Mayfair a CIF Ring!

We don't wish to start in half-court offense. Our main goal is to run down the court on a fast break and set up our defense. That's always our focus point. Defense. Defense leads to offense which in turn continues an endless cycle. Now, when we do have to set up our half-court offense, the first option is to immediately rip and drive to the basket for the lay-up. That is rarely ever available the first time down, maybe in the third quarter when the defense is fatigued and jogging down the court. The second option after that is the classic drive and kick. Once the teammate receives the pass, he has many options which is where the heart of the offense comes in with our, seemingly , unlimited options. Of course, the plays all depends on how the opposing team is defending the player. The first look, if open, is a jump shot from behind the perimeter line. If that's not available, you have the third option which is a kick-back to the corner for an open shot or drive baseline. There's a lot more to be covered so in my next installment, I shall cover another possible area of the game. I covered the basics of the offense which 98% of the time is successful. It's hard to grasp all at once; however, with hard work and dedication, it's a simple offense that puts major points up on the board.

Robin Hwang P.5

It has not hit me yet

I am a senior in high school. I am filling out college applications and making sure I'm on the right track to graduate. It has not hit me yet that next year I could possibly be in college. I think about all the fun times I have had here at Mayfair High School and how I'm going to to miss coming coming here. When I think about the future I see myself pursuing my dreams of becoming a doctor, but I can't picture myself going to college. I think it will hit when I start getting college acceptance letters or maybe rejection letters. It might not even hit me then it might hit me when I'm about to receive my diploma on graduation day. I'm not sure when it's going to hit me but when it does it is going to hit hard. I'm just hoping that I get into college so I can become a doctor like I have always wanted.

I Am A Senior (ooo ooo ooo)

During the first weekend of this month I applied to 5 out of the 8 colleges I would like to attend. After doing so, it was clear to me that this is really my last year of high school. It was sort of like an eye opener. I hadn't realized how close I was to being on my own. I started feeling scared; I was thinking to myself "How am I going to do this? I'm not prepared." I know I am one of many teens who felt this way, but somehow I felt as if my situation was different.
After speaking to some of my friends about how I had already applied to schools, I noticed that for once in my life I was on top of things; I wasn't as unprepared as I thought I was. Most of them had told me that they hadn't even started filling out applications yet and I had already completed and submitted 5!
Over the years I've become one of those people who tend to wait till the last minute to get things done. I always felt like things were a drag and I tried to avoid doing them for as long as possible.  However, this was one of the first things that I've done in a while without being forced to do so and I didn't wait till the last minute. I soon came to realize under all of my fear there was excitement. There is a whole world filled with new opportunities and new experiences waiting for me. As of today i have now applied to yet another college of my choice making it 6 out of the 8 colleges I would like to attend. Now, I have been extremely excited about the whole process; I can't want to submit my last 2 applications and later find out which colleges have accepted me.

College Applications

Okay so I have started to apply to colleges and it is literally so time consuming and at times, confusing. I'm starting to get really frustrated because I have to pay around $350 in total for my applications and it is more than likely that I'll get rejected from half of the schools I apply too. But in my opinion, if there is the slightest chance of getting accepted then it's definitely worth trying. I'm also so anxious to see what I got on my SAT. The scores come out on thursday and it was my second time taking it so I'm nervous because I need a better score than when I first took it.

So far senior year has been filled with worrying and anxiety. I can't wait till I get all this "college stuff" over with.

Playing For The Name On The Front, Not The Number On The Back

The definition of a team player is someone who plays or works well as a member of a team. Being an athlete, no matter what sport is being played, unless it's something such as golf where you are your own team, being a team player is required. That doesn't mean this comes easy to every athlete though. Many athletes today struggle with this concept: not playing for the number on the back of the jersey (the players number) but the name on the front of the jersey (the team). It bothers me when I encounter a sports team that prioritizes the win over the way the players on the team treat one another. I play competitive travel softball outside of high school, and our team is based around this mentality. We are taught to have our teammates backs all of the time. As you can imagine, just like many other sports, it's a hard transition coming to high school ball. Here at high school, the girls are not as serious about the game as on my travel ball team, and being team captain for my high school team, I had to adjust to their attitudes and be the "middle man" between the coaches and the girls. I think this is a good life lesson for me because it has taught me that things aren't always peaches and rainbows in life. There are going to be people in this world that are mean or that don't listen to you, but working to figure out what works best for everyone within your field of work (or play, for me) can help you to become a better leader. More people will be happy, leading to more success in the end. I believe this is a good lesson for everyone to learn, and will be beneficial to the growth in the future leader that lies within us all.

Expectations

I've always been held to certain standard in my family. I'm used to that, no big deal. But now that I'm a senior its at an all time high. It just always seems like on top of being a good student, I have to watch what I do and say constantly. I've never been the type to shy away from a challenge but man this is tough. My coach has high standards for us as a varsity team, which she should. Every time it seems that I've made progress up the leadership ladder, I'm bogged down a couple steps. Believe me I know how to lead but it doesn't seem my coach sees that enough. I'm not by any means trying to throw myself a pity party, but in all honesty I feel like I deserve to be captain. Not to say that some of my other teammates don't but I feel like I would be just as good. (Okay I'm done complaining)  :)

I think that my start to senior year has been the best in my entire high school career. I'm surprisingly less lazy than I've been in recent years. My academic aspect is great but I'm also excited about all of the new people that I've started to. I love that our senior class is so much more united. Everything about our class is so positive and just a good vibe. You can tell how united we are because at football games our student section is full of seniors. Any school event is just better this year for some reason. I just love being at school, well not in class, but other than that school is pretty great.

Jessica Nwabuzor

What is this?

Honestly, I don't even know what to write in this blog, but I started reading other blogs and they're basically just random topics and surprisingly I can relate with randomness. So hopefully it comes out good. To be completely  honest with you so many people are excited that we are seniors who will graduate soon and all begin our separate lives that will eventually lead us to our finished destiny. But as far as me being excited, I don't think I would say that's how I feel about it. The fact that I'm a senior and it's my last year to do any school activities hasn't exactly hit me yet. College applications are stressful but they're not hard for me at least. Sometimes I don't really feel like myself at all because I feel like a walking body with no memory. My mind just begins having a mind of its own. Like I turn into some kind of robot or something, I'm walking, and talking but my mind is in a thinking dimension. What do I think about you may ask? I think about many things; I think about personal issues I have, certain people that randomly pop in my head, whether or not I will end up truly becoming successful in life or if I'm just taking up space in the world. If I see someone happily laughing or talking I wonder what they're so happy about, or whether or not they have as many problems as I do in life. I sometimes wonder what if feels like to just be at peace with the world and truly just be naturally happy without having to fake or pretend to be just to get through  the day. Their are some days that are good for me and other days that aren't so good, but in all truth I think everyone has good and bad days at one point in their life. But at the end of the day were all the same just ordinary human beings.

Alexis Mora

Just yesterday

Just yesterday seems so far from today.

It seems as if just yesterday we came home from school and sat there eating junk food and talked for about an hour. About anything and everything in the world. 

Just yesterday you asked me to help you on your Spanish homework, and you helping me with my math.

Just yesterday you were threating the guy I had a crush on, telling him if he ever hurt me you guys were gonna have some problems.

Just yesterday you were the first one to tell me that "no love from a boy could ever compare to the love of family" and the first one to punk me into taking a spoonful of chilly powder, okay maybe that's my fault, but still...

Just yesterday, you told me not to cry when you left. That no matter what you'll still be with me, and if I ever needed you to just "talk" to you. 

But see the thing is, that was yesterday, and yesterday seems so far from today. 

Today I come home and I eat junk food by myself.

Today I ignore every guy that tries to "get close" with me 'cause "No love from a boy could ever compare to the love of family." Right? 

Today, I sit by your grave and think to myself, if I could change one thing from today is to go back to yesterday. 

But then again

Just yesterday, is so far from today...

My future

Senior year has helped me realize that I need to make goals and really start thinking about my future. I was having a talk with my family at my aunt's baby shower, they wanted to know what I wanted as my career and I told them my story so I am going to tell you. Ever since I was a little girl I love to pretend that my dolls were in trouble and I would be the super hero to save them. As I grew older I would go with my church and feed the homeless. As I became a senior I really started to realize that I would love to do that as a career help others. First I wanted to travel around the world and help any kids in need but I want to have a stable career. The only career that could let me do that is being a social worker. A social worker is hard work and you have to be emotionally ready for it but I am pretty sure I can handle it. I am ready to make a change in the world. Knowing that I will help other children I am going to be so happy!

Experiences as a Senior

As senior year finally came upon me I finally realized what people have been saying to me whether it is a gradate or family, that your high school year will go by in a blink of an eye. As I began to realize this, I began to notice the little things I must do to prepare for the real world and college, man especially college. The one thing that I will probably hate most is doing are the SATs and beginning my applications to finally narrow down where I want to go. Honestly its quite scary because what if you mess up on your application or maybe made the wrong decision on where you want to apply. how I see it, is that yo simply must accept with what you've done and hope the decisions you made are good because if we simply think about the wrong decisions we've made in our lives, nothing would progress. As an athlete I find it to be exciting and stressful playing your sport as a senior because maybe you've set out a goal for a league championship as the football team has made or maybe you're worried about playing in college as I am. Being told that colleges are looking at your performance is a pretty big and nerve racking deal, because its basically saying that you have a slim shot in playing the sport you love to play at college and that's scary as it is, to be able to have the opportunity to play the sport you have so much passion for is a blessing.

Little Man, Big Responsibilities

Little Man, Big Responsibility 

I often feel like the weight of the world rests on my shoulders. I find myself feeling like I'm drowning in stress and responsibilities. I'm only 17 years-old, and I feel like there are adults that couldn't handle or deal with some of the big responsibilities that I am given.
Now, I know this sounds pretty negative, but please don't get me wrong. I'm simply stating how it feels sometimes to have too much on my plate. However, there are two things that make it easy to manage the stress that comes from responsibility. With these two tools, it makes all this responsibility manageable. Not lesser, but manageable.
1. You need to understand one of my biggest responsibilities; I am captain of the football team, and, believe it or not, this is a huge responsibility. Not only am I  given the biggest title on the team, but I am expected to be one of the best players. The guy that sets an example for the rest of the team and doesn't give anything less than his best effort. Also, I am the voice of the football team, and I am held to a certain standard by the staff and faculty at Mayfair. It's a lot of pressure, and sometimes it may seem hard to manage. How do I deal with this huge responsibility? Well, I flash back to my freshman year. I remember the captains we had then, and how much I looked up to them. They were the foundation of Mayfair football and they've influenced me and made me the player I am today. So, I owe it to them for shaping my game, but I also need to realize that this captain position has been my goal since I was a freshman. Ever since I saw these captains leading the way for our team, I knew right then and there that I had to be a captain by my senior year. This is the responsibility I asked for, and I need to appreciate the fact that I was chosen to be a captain.
2. I know as a senior, we all have our own responsibilities to handle. In fact, I don't know one senior without a single responsibility. (If you are that one, I apologize for leaving you out, and God bless the luck you have) We all are transitioning into the adult world and we're gaining new responsibilities through this transition.
Now, even though this is factual, you may be wondering how this helps me manage my big responsibilities. Well, this helps me realize that I'm not alone. Knowing that my peers deal with the same trials and stress from big responsibilities brings me solice. Knowing that the senior sitting next to me in class is dealing with just as much as I am makes me feel like I'm not alone; and I think that senior may even agree with me. After all, the miserable love company. In other words, the misery that responsibility brings us only makes us want to know that we aren't alone in our misery.
So, I hope you understand that I have a lot of responsibility, but this is the life I asked for and it all comes with the territory. (By territory, I mean being a senior and captain of the football team)
Thank you for reading. Sincerely,

Joe Emmsley :)

Deadlines

Deadlines. Deadlines. Deadlines. Lately that is all I can think of. Whether it be a regular school assignment or college application my life is filled with deadlines. All I heard from past seniors was how great senior year would be. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a great senior year so far, but there are so many things to deal with, too. College is on my mind all the time. It's either the only thing I'm thinking of or it is there in the back of my head. I feel as though anything I have to do has to do with college. Almost all my thoughts bring me back to that one thought,  college. 

Whenever I am trying to relax, all I can think of is: maybe you should fill out some college applications, maybe you should get ahead on homework, or you'll never get into any university by sitting here doing nothing! Even when I am just practicing a sport I think that it may not get me anywhere. Sometimes I feel as though I'm wasting my time. There is so much to deal with. Like I said there are colleges applications. Furthermore if you're involved in a sport you have to deal with that too. On top of that you still have school work to do. Oh, and let's say you're involved in clubs too, then there are all those events you may have to participate in. Now what if you add a job to all that? You see there is so much that we seniors have to deal with. It's not easy. However I realize that we can't be afraid to take a break sometimes. 

Yes we do indeed have all the deadlines to deal with, but sometimes it's good to take a break and just enjoy the ride because it will all be over before we know it.

The Water

This is Marquis Ward, and this quote is really interesting to me.  I picked this quote ti write about, because I really like the quotes about the water.  The water is just so soothing, and smooth to talk about. When a person is in pain you should always just relax, because you never know what a person may do when they are upset.  That's why the quote said that when pain comes your way just float, because floating you have to remain calmed and relaxed.

Dancing has a lot of motions in the body, just like the waves in the water.  The waves in the water are so beautiful, they are so peaceful and calm.  All you have to is find the right person to dance with, then you are as smooth as water.  All you have to do is let your life flow like water, and you should be just fine.

Human or Inhuman

What makes a person human or inhuman…?

Emotional and unemotional?

Recently I have been watching two TV series, one is Scorpion and another is Playful Kiss. Scorpion is a series that follows highly intelligent prodigies and geniuses that work with homeland to solve impossible situations. Another is a drama called Playful Kiss, this show is about a below basic female student that falls in love with a genius with the IQ of 200, the female goes through many trials to get the genius boy to fall in love with her. But in both cases the highly intelligent people are looked at as inhuman, robotic and unemotional. Mostly these characters are really just looked at as unemotional, but the other parts (inhuman and robotic) are used to describe these characters. But why are they unemotional? Obviously they too have emotions they just don’t show it as other do or as often. Everyone is different so when watching these series and discussing them with someone that also up to date with them, I feel very different from them, they agree with a lot of others that “yes, they very inhuman”, but I just don’t see it. I just see a different way of expressing ones elves. Everyone has a different background and that is shown in both series and because of the background to each character they act the way they do and they don’t show the emotions on their faces but really through their words and actions. Does someone really have to be smiling all the time to be seen as happy? I just don’t understand why these characters are looked at the way are. But that is a question I’ll to know, does showing emotion on one’s face make them more human than someone that doesn’t? 

My Hike

Something I love to do is write poetry and I fell in love with this art last year during my own struggles. I remember my junior year English teacher, Mr. Bacani, had us write some poems. Like I said, during the time I was in a rough stage and getting this off my chest helped me grow. Now I have a lot more writings thanks to this day. My goal is to write and write and write and hopefully relate to my peers. I want to help people leave their lows and get them back up to their peaks. It makes me happy that I've already touched the hearts of some of my friends through my poems and now I just want to continue that. Here is my very first poem. : 

My Hike

 Everyday I woke up so ungrateful about my life

Little did I know one day I’d be stabbed by a knife.

I never used to believe in pain

But that all changed on a rainy day.

My mom found out I kissed a girl

Who I thought was my world.

I adored everything about her

And my love for her grew bigger.

I tried convincing my family that she was the one

But that’s when Hell begun.

“You want to be known as a Goddamn queer?!

Or a faggot that walks in the streets?!”

They just made me want to disappear

And hide under my sheets.

I was addicted to this drug

That we all call “LOVE.”

But why did I love this person so much?

Maybe it was because I finally felt noticed.

Sadly, she was the one to put me at my lowest.

So I have my family hating me,

The love of my life cheating on me,

And my grandpa leaving me.

What the hell is going on?

I just want to be gone!

My grandpa is my best friend

I thought he’d stay till the end.

My girl wants me back so I give her another chance

I close my eyes for one second and she’s already in someone else’s pants.

I try to let people in

But they just shoot me down and win.

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

Just slam my head against a damn door!

I cry every night and cut the pain away

Hoping God will take me from this day.

If you know me, you know I have a big heart

Now you all know how I fell apart.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety

All this stupid pain led to a laparoscopy.

I’ve had this pain in my stomach for three years now

When they told me I needed surgery I said “Wow”

Turned out they found nothing

Not even a string.

I should’ve been happy

But I was so angry.

Life’s going on and I’m so confused

Every person I loved made me feel used.

Another guy comes through and maybe he’ll be the one.

But he said, “Nah sorry hun.”

I keep getting hurt and I don’t know why.

Then I realize life is a climb.

I went on a hike and struggled each step.

I trip, fall, and lose my breath.

Then it got a little bit easier

And my finish line became clearer.

Just kidding a rock gets in the way

Oh how I wished I’d rather be walking on Broadway.

This is like my life you know?

Not all bad, maybe a little glow.

Today I can say I’ve learned a lot about myself and others as well

And I came to a conclusion that my life isn’t all Hell.

I face challenges everyday

But now deal with them in a healthier way.

My journey is like a hike

And I may climb with only my feet or even a bike.

But when I get there I’ll sit

And say I’ve finally made it.

"This is [Great]"

When I had read the commencement speech, This Is Water", I was blown away to hear a very similar view on society from the author, David Foster Wallace. The bulk of our society does not think of the group that they are one with, they only seem to think of themselves at an individual level. I have seen people who think this way, whether purposely or absentmindedly, and forget the rest of the world, even though they know that they are not apart from said group, subconsciously, they know are a part of this conglomerate of people that live very differently than them, yet they live to accomplish the same goals, to succeed. This oneness will always let us drift from one another, because not one person can be, "the center of the world".

The thought of someone else's position, is bizarre to some until they come to empathize with those who they had thought horribly of. A person can live within their own little worlds, their small, insignificant minds, where the thought of anybody is absent until it is brought in through the doors of their mind; whether it has happened or will happen is completely dependent on the observers choice of whether to acknowledge it or not, more times than not, the observer will. When an observer does not, they are know as selfish, which is when a person is concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. Yet, there are those who take it a step further then this however.

Sadly, I've encountered people, online and in the physical world, who aren't the run of the mill, normal, selfish, I've spent years, if not, the majority of my life around narcissists. These types of people have been extremely abhorred, tempting my family with torturous acts of sadism, just to see my father or mother fail, to view me looking at my father break down, and my mother stressed to the point where see has had to go the hospital a numerous amount of times. These terrible people have been family, "friends", and acquaintances alike; I could never exact justice upon these people, for they had not broken some law or stalked my immediate family, they just found ways to always tempt them with the means of having it done upon retaliation. If my mother or father would respond with a threat of calling the authorities, they would immediately try their damnedest to abuse my family behind a screen, a keyboard, and a mouse.

Terrible people exist within in this world; they will do anything to gain what they want, regardless the position of the other person. There is a point to where you should acknowledge somebody else's position and when you should not acknowledge someone else's position. It's your choice to set where that fine line should be.

Perspective

After this past weekend my heart and outlook on life has changed. My friends and I decided to take a trip to Laguna beach. Little did we know what the day had in store for us. We all agreed that it would be fun to cliff jump into the ocean. So, we found a private beach that had a cliff that numerous people jumped off of. 

My wonderful friend Malik jumped off the cliff first and swam to shore. My other friend Courtney and I established that we wanted to jump off together, while my other friend Ashley recorded us from the shore. So we grabbed each other's hand and squeezed tightly as we ran off the cliff together and leaped into midair. The way down seemed so long and we screamed from the top of our lungs. Our bodies sharply hit the water. As we both came up for air we screamed, "that was so much fun!" and couldn't stop laughing. 

We were advised to swim sideways first and then eventually straight towards shore to avoid getting pulled back in. Unfortunately, that advice did not help because the water began to get stronger. Before we knew it, the waves were pulling us into an opposite direction from where we should have been going. Our friend Nathan was still on top of the cliff waiting to jump and we called out for help because the waves were too powerful for us to swim against. He jumped in after us and Malik came back into the water as well. They were no longer just strong waves, it was a current.

At this point, I have been captured and taken underwater too many times. Every time I came up for air, I would be hit with the monster known as the sea and involuntarily swallow gulps of salt water. My chest felt tight and heavy as I tried to stay afloat. I screamed, "Malik! I can't breathe! I'm tired!" and he tried to pull me back to shore. However, this did not work out whatsoever as the waves continued to haul us another direction. I felt as though I could not swim anymore. 

Eventually, the four of us were able to swim to some rocks below the cliff. I simply needed to cling onto something that could hold my weight as I caught my breath. Before I knew it, I heard Nathan scream, "Watch out! There's a wave!" and that was the last thing I heard before I was engulfed by the ocean and my body was thrown against the cliff. 

I felt myself tumbling under water and my body be flung and scraped against rough walls. In a matter of seconds I covered my head and thought to myself, "If I hit my head, I'm done." 

At last my body floated to air and I could hardly believe I was even in one piece. Regardless, I noticed that I was separated from my friends. My body had been shifted to the middle of the ocean, alone. At this point it was even more difficult to breathe due to all the water in my chest and I was so far from shore, and so beyond tired. I was sure those were my last moments on Earth. I thought, "there's no way of surviving this." There were no lifeguards and I felt my body giving up on me. I heard Courtney scream, "Annalise, I love you" because she also thought those were her last moments. 

As exhausted and frightened as I was, I wasn't ready to give up. I began screaming for help and I could hear my other friends crying for help as well, along with "Call 911!" 

A very kind gentleman climbed to the top of the cliff and threw me a boogie board to float on. It was an extremely strenuous swim over to it due to how weak I felt. Nonetheless, I finally reached it and my body was relieved. A dolphin inflatable was also thrown to Courtney, who was with the boys.

Shortly after, two lifeguards came running into the ocean and pulled us out. I found out later that Ashley, my friend recording us jumping off the cliff, was on shore running around trying to get help and locate lifeguards. It was a good thing she didn't jump with us, because ultimately her crying for help and prayers saved us.

Once on shore, I could barely stand up by myself due to how frail I was. My chest clenched and I continuously heaved. As I sat down my entire body was shaking and tears were streaming down my face. I began throwing up saltwater all over the beach sand. Every time I tried to grasp a water bottle I felt a sharp pain in my hands due to splinters stuck underneath my skin. My entire leg was bleeding from cuts and I am still so sore and in pain from this incident.

In the end, I thanked God for saving mine and my friend's lives. I spent my Sunday at church praising and expressing gratitude to God for watching over me. The more I thought about it, I was able to relate this experience to This Is Water by David Foster Wallace. For example, I would be the religious person in his speech believing in God and I believe that God helped me survive by sending over a lifeguard. On the contrary, any non-believer, let's take my boyfriend as an example, would probably believe I made it out alive simply because we were crying for help and eventually help came. I find it especially interesting how there can be so many various perspectives on a central idea. 

Nonetheless, I am very grateful to simply be alive and able to type this blog post in the first place.